Category: People

  • If I had that kind of money, I’d be a full-time perv too

    And now, back to our regular programming at Mr Miyagi’s Cheekopek Glob. My big fat grapevine told me a while ago that Thumper (the club where the car park plays host to couples fornicating in Porsches, y’know, that one?) was going into the modelling agency business. I din believe! But now, they’re distributing Comm. Cards…

  • ‘I like Singapore. It’s very beautiful. We see it from the boat’

    As she was ladling the rest of the stock into my bowl of Pho, Mrs Nguyen said, ‘I like Singapore. It’s very beautiful. We see it from the boat’. I was at my first dinner over at Julie’s parents’ in the south-western suburb of Lakemba, where from then on, I was always guaranteed a bowl…

  • Cosa nostra

    For us to live any other way was nuts. Uh, to us, those goody-good people who worked shitty jobs for bum paychecks and took the subway to work every day, and worried about their bills, were dead. I mean they were suckers. They had no balls. If we wanted something we just took it. If…

  • Tracy Huang, Space Invaders and the girlfriend from hell

    I once briefly dated this girl from college and we had an intense relationship. First time I stayed over, she told me, ‘my step-mum’s at home, so we’ll have to behave’. I said ok, and off we went, quietly. I got out to the kitchen to get a drink, and I’m thinking to myself, I…

  • Girl with the plastic lei

    Tonight the Girl with the Plastic Lei came and had dinner with me, and I listened to her talk. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, she said. I don’t know what’s wrong, is it just me or is he not the one or is it just me? I don’t know, Girl with the Plastic…