I’m not talking about Hongkongers and their ownself give ownself first names, but this list of baby names that will guarantee that the unfortunate children that are given some of the names will be remembered.
Neither am I talking about hip-hop and rap stars and their own brand of ownself give ownself first names, like Jay-Z and Five-Percent, but there’s this baby name spelled J-Me and pronounced Jamie.
And there’s our very own Ix Shen who named himself after Roman numerals, with the very slight possibility that he might have a conversation that goes:
Hi, and you are?
Ix. Ix Shen.
Pleased to meet you, Shen. That’s a bad hiccup you’ve got. Can I get you a glass of water?
Oh, bless you. You know, you really shouldn’t keep a sneeze in. Damages the nasal passage.
Then there’s Texan child that was named ESPN by his parents, and you know that’s not a girl’s name.
It’s hard to imagine that any of these names are for real. But tell that to the parents of this child in New Zealand who named their kid “4Real”:
Hi, and you are?
Sorry, did you say your name was 4real?
Can we talk about something else now?
There’s more. In 2005, in Texas, no less, a boy was named “Ranger“. I’d like to think his last name was Walker. And I speculate that the mothers of two boys had difficult labours because they called their sons “Rage“. “Jecember” was born in June, and “Philadelphia” was born in San Francisco. But the babies that take the cake are the ones who’ll have no trouble remembering how to spell their names when they’re in kindergarten because they’re called “Abcde” (although pronounced Absidee).
Ha ha. He he. Ho ho. But if you’re going to name your kids something that will invite taunting and ridicule, at least have more than one child and give all of them silly names so that they’ll have company.