My Army unit is on Mobilisation Manning this week, right after 17 days of in-camp training! If they mobilise us this Saturday just to practice, we will be very, very upset. Watch your tv screens for the flashing green man with our codewords: Flying Oyster Omelette, Soiled Sanitary Pad & Deep Fried Tofu. If they mobilise us because some Al-Qaeda affiliate tries to bash through the impenetrable barriers at Holland Village, we will still be very, very upset. Woe betide the Al-Qaeda affiliate. You joined the wrong club. Me and me mates wiw kew you dead, because we haven’t had the chance to watch a midnight movie in a while.
Speaking of angry reservists, so, no one wet their beds last, last Sunday night, and the IPPT was conducted on Monday morning without incident. Later on, we went for our theory lessons in Laws of Armed Conflict and Rules of Engagement. At the lecture, they showed us slides with some basic pointers on International Humanitarian Law accompanied by some gruesome pictures. Then they showed us clips from Platoon (“My Lai” village scene), and Rules of Engagement.
Coincidentally, my platoon mate Dilbert Chua lent me a book called “Tell Me No Lies“, which has a chapter on My Lai. So, in between naps, I read the chapter and wondered if Tuesday’s practical portion of the LOAC and ROE (the SAF, they lurve them acronyms) could be effectively taught at the FIBUA (Fighting In Built Up Area) “village” near the ATC (Armour Training Centre).
The lesson module was such that we were not told what exactly to expect, and how exactly to react, and we were to see if our military objectives could be effectively met while observing LOAC and ROE. So, we were shot at by ‘civilian simulators’ from the second floors (thank goodness only second floor. No lift leh!) of the HDB blocks, shot at from an ambulance, shot at from outside a checkpoint, grenaded by a ‘simulated pregnant woman’, delayed by a ‘simulated hostage taker’ taking ‘simulated hostages’, delayed by a ‘simulated civilian asking for food and water and getting in the line of fire’ etc, etc.
It all went according to the trainers’ expectations. We didn’t know how to react. And because this was just a simulation, and not somewhere in Fallujah, the funniest scenario was when one section from my tactical team stormed a building only to find that two civilians had been taken hostage, and so we couldn’t lob grenades into all three rooms of the three room flat from which we were fired upon.
Tired and frustrated from climbing the stairs, and perhaps also from having problems at home, the ‘hostage negotiations’ were opened by a member of the section and it went something like this:
What the fuck you want, ninabehcheebye motherfucker?
I want an airline ticket!
Airline ticket?? Cheebye! Simi airline?!
Emirates!
Cheebye! Emirates?! Ki tolo?! (go where?)
Anywhere!
Fuck you! Kaninabuchowcheebyemotherfucker! Limpehshootjitliaphorliseeeee!
And then there was a burst of automatic gunfire. After which, the slack-jawed trainer declared the simulated hostages and their simulated captor dead.
Then we broke for lunch, the troopers and simulated civilians and terrorists, though we could’ve eaten earlier if we had just lobbed grenades into the flat and saved some time. Some of us spoke up and said they were glad we weren’t in a real war zone, because we might end up doing the same things the Americans are doing in Iraq, or the Israelis in the occupied territories.
But would we, me and me mates, be as indiscriminately murderous if say, an Al-Qaeda affiliate tried to bash through the barriers at Holland Village? I’d say no. Because earlier, my section came under simulated sniper fire from a simulated two-room flat, and my section commander led us upstairs to the door of the flat, knocked on the door and said, “Open up, I count to three, you better open up, or else… or else…. we come in! ONE, TWO, THREE! Open lah, cheebye!”
At our debrief, we were asked what else we could have done to meet our objective (which was to secure the junction downstairs). We could have lobbed two simulated M203 grenades into the windows where the sniper fire was coming from, and we’d be happy as larry, junction secured. But we didn’t.
So all youse civilians, ang mohs and chow-keng-never-do-reservist-because-downgradeds, if an Al-Qaeda affiliate tries to bash through the barriers at Holland Village, and me and me mates are mobilised, you can still sip your Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf lattes while we think twice before fragging the whole place. And you have our Army and their LOAC/ROE lesson package to thank.
We also learned that Singapore is not a signatory to the 1st (Protection of Victims of International Armed Conflicts) and 2nd (Protection of Victims of Non-International Armed Conflicts) additional protocols of the Geneva Conventions of 1949. Anyone know why?
Mr Tan’s neighbourhood residents’ committee tended to go over the top when dealing with complaints of noisy neighbours
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