Sometimes, some long lost acquaintances will call and say hi, saying it’s been a while since they ‘touched base’ with me. I usually say hi back, but inside, I’m saying ‘what da fuck do you mean ‘touch base’? My base is not for you to touch. Touch my base and you outrage my modesty’.
Touching base is an Americanism. You touch base with acquaintances or business contacts you wouldn’t otherwise contact. You touch base with people who are an after-thought to you at best. You touch base to assuage your guilt or absolve yourself for not keeping in contact. Touching base is superficial. Touching base usually serves no purpose unless you have a motive.
I have been naive enough to think that some people mean well when they touch base. A reasonably well-known local celebrity who is currently parading in swimwear on some Chinese serial about people parading in swimwear once touched base with me, said she missed ‘the times we had together’, got me to add her to my Friendster list, and then stopped calling me cold. As ridiculous as that sounds, that was her motive. She now has like 500+ friendsters on her Friendster list.
Another recent base toucher is another ‘celebrity’, operating out of KL, who attempted touching base because he wanted free legal advice for some business he is setting up there. Something to do with managing celebrities. You know these celebrities and their nonsense businesses. Very nonsense. And they like touching bases.
Base touchers don’t really care about what you’ve been up to and how you’ve been, unless it affects them.
Base touchers lurk everywhere. So the next time someone calls and tells you he or she is calling to touch base, he or she is likely to have recently embarked on a new career as an insurance salesperson, a telemarketer, a multi-level marketing telemarketer, or a multi-level marketing insurance sales telemarketer. Or if, like me, you used to work in the entertainment industry, she could just be an insecure starlet looking to add you to her Friendster list. Doesn’t hurt to have a bikini babe on your list, actually. Yeah. She can come touch my base any day.
Nice pics in the papers the other day. Call me. We’ll do coffee.