When you’ve got a face that looks perpetually inebriated, it is wise not to make another friend drive, or worse, drink a little and drive. The eagle-eyed cops can spot a drunk-looking front seat passenger from 45m out, and beckon your friend who drives to pull over, make you take out your IDs, car insurance and then ask if you both have drunk any.
Being the dumb fuck that you are, you answer assertively and put your driver friend in deep peril, yes we had a beer each. How long ago was that? Oh, say about an hour or so ago?
At this point, you hope to God and his mates that the copper will say, ok, that’s good, you can go now.
But of course, he mumbles something about whether your friend is confident of taking a breathalyser test. You go har? Because at this point, your heart is pounding so loudly you can’t hear a word he’s saying. The copper smirks, goes to his cop car and takes out the dreaded gadget and instructs your driver friend to take a deep breath and exhale long and hard into the tube.
I have a friend who once inhaled long and hard from the tube, and it was funny, but this is hardly the time and place to bring it up, is it?
My driver friend was fortunate enough to suffer an affliction that causes her breath to become weak and shallow at certain times, such as during a random breath testing police road block at 3am on a Saturday morning. She tried her darndest, huffed and puffed her lungs out, but could not activate the gadget, much less register any reading even after several attempts. The frustrated copper then let us go with a very stern warning. Something about if he catches us drink driving on this road again he will not hesitate to dunnowhat.
For the record, we really only had one beer each, and if my friend’s lungs were more powerful, she’d have passed the test with flying colours. But really, one really, really shouldn’t drink and drive, or even drink and let someone else drive. Especially if one has a deep-seated, and some say irrational, fear about random police road blocks.
It is not funny trying to look normal when you’re trembling. OK, it may be funny, but this is hardly the time and place to bring it up, is it?