I am officially fit. I passed my IPPT and was awarded $200 for doing it well. Keeping trim the past year has paid off, finally. It’s the first time since 1991 I’ve gotten a monetary award for IPPT. Did I mention I’m officially fit now? 5711F Trooper, Armoured Fighting Vehicle (M113 Ultra/OWS), Class One, I am.
I shall now over-dramatise my achievement. Look away now if you can’t handle it. This is my Olympics. I didn’t think I was gunna make it, but I did, despite getting two hours’ sleep last night, running around since 6am (part of my job), swimming at 2.30pm for half an hour (part of my job) and getting stuck in the Orchard Road arvo jam (part of my job). I arrived at Maju Camp at 4.45pm, booked in, waited an hour and started the first station of the test and suffered a cramping calf muscle, falling over in the process. Then my right knee decided to buckle and later swell (but not as bad as what Metastasis suffered). I had a tummy ache from drinking two cans of Red Bull and gobbling a Snickers bar half hour before the test. I had a pounding head from thinking too much about the test. I had dry mouth. I had a slight rash. I had IPPT syndrome.
I also suffered the internal giggles because it’s always funny to be back in camp and being ordered around by PTI sergeants whose Ingri buay sai. Very tiring.
Then after completing and ace-ing the chin-ups, sit-ups, standing broad jump and shuttle run, a big mumfucking thunderstorm threatened to cancel the last and most important station: The two point motherfucking four klick run.
You see, the Singapore Armed Forces is a fair weather Army. Heavy rain with a chance of lightning and all soldiers are ordered indoors. Several soldiers abandoned their test and went home. I was too tired to make a move so quickly, so I waited, napped for half an hour, and one of the PTI sergeants said ‘OK gennermen, the Cat One storm revise to clear liao, please put your tlanspongder on your sue and lie up before the yarlow lie’.
I put my right foot on the yarlow line and cramped up, but still ran like all buggery. For about three minutes. Then I had cramps, headache, tummy ache, stitch for the next eight. Next thing I know, I’m done. And I knew I passed. Very happy. But not as happy as when they passed me the slip of paper that said, Total: 22, Result: Pass, Award: Silver, Payment will be made to your bank a/c.
Now I am going out to treat a friend to Bak Kut Teh.
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