In All Seriousness, The National Day Rally

There will always be things to poke a fishball stick at, and it’s become a tradition for mrbrown and myself to watch the National Day Rally speech with intent. For those who haven’t, here’s what you should take note of:

Honoring Yusof bin Ishak

Not least because he was the country’s first Yang di Pertuan Negara (Head of State), but by doing so, I’m hoping we’ll also get to remind ourselves that our national language is Malay, and our heritage as a nation is indelibly linked with that of our closest neighbours’.

Municipal Services Office

About bloody time something like that was set up. I’ve talked about the inefficiency of a unicameral legislature, where our poor MPs double up trying to fix the nation’s macro woes while doing OT at weekly MPS. The fish ball stick is most definitely felt across the island. Thank you, litterer, for pricking the conscience of a nation.

Pioneer Generation Card

You’ll probably keep hearing about the Pioneer Generation ad nauseam. The day before #NDRsg, I got a package in the mail containing the PG Card. Now, if my dad wasn’t bedridden and suffering from Parkinsons and dementia, he might have been able to flash this privilege card at various medical service providers and gotten generous subsidies. It’s just a gesture, but one I will be eternally grateful for. My father visits the A&E once a quarter on average, and that $800 annual top up into his Medisave? That’s my lifesaver.

Chinese Cultural Centre

The Prime Minister said it was to celebrate our unique Chinese culture in the “Nanyang” style. I think it’s right we finally stand up and claim as our own the many ways we order our beverages at the kopitiam, and stand tall and defend the kopitiam aunty when she scalds a foreign Chinese person, because everyone should understand that when she says, ‘lai, sio’ in Hokkien, she means, ‘fuck off, I’m carrying a shit load of hot drinks’.

One Shy Of Fifty: 49th National Day

It’s National Day, not quite the big one, which is next year (good luck Dick Lee).

But knowing us, this year’s NDP will be a spoil market spectacle. If there’s a lesser known Singaporean trait, it is this: We are good at shooting ourselves in the foot.

Just look at our Singapore Airlines – ever since they launched their “biggest business class seats the world has ever seen”, first class passengers who are not on the A380 Suites have been wondering why they’re paying double for essentially the same sized chair. (OK, nicer champagne and all that, but you get my point).

So, after today’s parade is done and dusted, we should get down to planning what we want to see for next year’s SG50 NDP, to make sure it’s better than this year’s.

MILITARY ITEMS

The Commandos (whose motto must surely be changed from “Who Dares Wins” to “Every Year Also Best Unit”) and Armour units get all the glory every year, marching and rolling down the tracks in their fierce machinery. Enough ok? It’s time we got the General Supply & Maintenance Base PES C,D & E mechanics and other non-combat NSmen to march in the parade. They deserve their day in the setting sun. Any unit that once had the motto “Strive To Maintain” does.

CIVILIAN ITEMS

There should be a Hello Kitty Queue contingent, sponsored by McDonalds, because it’s their fault for starting the craze. The contingent marches in single file, and the highlights include sporadic fighting between contingent members.

Parking Aunty Contingent – because now with LTA and Cisco outsourced officers who don’t “pung chan” as much as the Aunties do, they’re soon to go the way of the Samsui Women. We salute you.

Tissue Aunty / Uncle Contingent with their fanny packs will wave three packets of tissue paper in your direction as they march past.

School kids will be represented by a TAF Club Contingent. Because fat kids should be shamed nationally just as they are at school level – running and exercising while their fitter peers enjoy their recess / public holiday.

STAT BOARDS

Parades and other spectacles should include things to jeer at – so there should be a tax collectors’ contingent from IRAS.

And given the increased chatter about and awareness of our Central Provident Fund, the CPF Board should also have a contingent. Imagine the commentary:

“And right at the end of the parade’s march past, because you have to wait long long before you can take out your money, is our very own CPF contingent, led by Madam Minnie Sum, who has been with the Board since its inception. She doesn’t look like she’s retiring any time soon”…

Happy National Day!

Don’t Be A WTF Wendy

So I saw this poster at Orchard MRT station:

Give Way Glenda
Give Way Glenda

And I thought it was a great campaign to make people more aware of their behaviour on public transport. There’s even a “Stand-Up Stacey”, exhorting people to er… stand up when they’re supposed to, I suppose.

But then, this LTA campaign should also include negatives, and introduce posters such as:

1. Don’t Be A WTF Wendy
2. Don’t Be A KNN Karen (via @mrbrown)
3. Don’t Be A Cut Queue Cassandra (via Derek Foo)
4. Don’t Be A Siam Lah Samantha (via Derek Foo)
5. Don’t Be A Forget-To-Tap Frankie (via Robin Low)
6. Don’t Be A Teeko Terence (via Selena Soh)
7. Don’t Be A Pretend To Sleep Paul (via Selena Soh)