Goh Chok Tong Analogy Contest

On May 10, 2011 · 27 Comments · In Laws of our land, People

OK, I haven’t come up with some­thing to give away as a prize, but Goh Chok Tong’s lat­est anal­ogy was too good to just let go after say­ing “whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?”

For starters, and for your read­ing plea­sure, I give you the Senior Minister’s lat­est: “The Pla­toon Leader & The Hope­less Recruit” (via Yvonne Chia):

Dear Yvonne Chia,

Think of this anal­ogy. I was given a recruit who was assessed to have the poten­tial to be a good sol­dier. The pla­toon had to cap­ture a hill. The recruit came under a hail of bul­lets. As pla­toon leader, I had to pro­tect him, even at the risk of my own life.

Am I being stub­born or deaf? Or did I not do the hon­ourable thing expected of a pla­toon leader?

That the recruit could have been bet­ter pre­pared for the mis­sion or be an older, more expe­ri­enced recruit is a sep­a­rate point. I am aware of the wide­spread unhap­pi­ness at send­ing this recruit to the pla­toon. But I would say, now that the recruit has sur­vived the ordeal of bat­tle, let him prove that he can be a good soldier…

Goh Chok­Tong

Here’s my own entry:

“Dear Cit­i­zen,

Think of this anal­ogy. I was given a hand­ful of rice in one hand, and a chicken in the other. But I can only cook one of the things. Do I cook the chicken? Or the rice? Now, you will know that no mat­ter how I decide, I will not be able to have chicken rice.

I can be stub­born, I can be deaf, and sooner or later, I will have to cook one of the things because I am hungry.

I am aware of wide­spread unhap­pi­ness because I can­not make the chicken rice. So I say we bet­ter be pre­pared and let us get used to eat­ing just rice or just chicken.”

Can? Pass the Talk Chok Sing Tong stan­dard? Post your entries here!

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  • http://twitter.com/longadin Aloy­sius Low

    Here’s mine.

    Dear Cit­i­zen,

    It’s like you’re shop­ping for branded bags. When you walk into a shop­ping mall, you’re given the option of buy­ing a wide range of branded bags. But some­times you have no choice, because your hus­band doesn’t really know your taste and what you like, so he gave you a Kate Spade bag instead.

    Now, since it’s a gift to you, you some­times don’t have the choice of not wear­ing it out in pub­lic, espe­cially since he prob­a­bly pulled some favors to get this one-kind-of-special bag.

    So some­times, you just have to endure the odd looks and think of them as envi­ous looks. Not every lady can carry off a bag from Kate Spade that fea­tures low-powered light bulbs. But I can, and I hope you under­stand why I’m doing this.

  • http://www.facebook.com/socialpr Aaron Koh

    Wouldn’t a more expe­ri­ence foot sol­dier be called a pri­vate or cor­po­ral? Recruit, young or old, is still a recruit.

  • http://twitter.com/hleonardi Hali

    Dear Cit­i­zen

    Think of this anal­ogy. I was given a brand new phone which claims to be well-connected to the 3G and even the 4G net­work. I was sup­posed to use it to make phone calls, do mes­sag­ing, surf the net and con­nect with the young peo­ple on my address­book. I had no choice as this the only phone they gave me. Fur­ther­more, the con­tract has been signed and it’s unreturnable.

    Am I stub­born or deaf? Or did I not do the right thing to hon­our the con­tract and con­tinue using this phone?

    That this phone could have been bet­ter tested for the real world, screened for poten­tially embar­rass­ing feet-stomping bugs or unknow­ingly login to people’s FB is a sep­a­rate point. I am aware of the wide­spread neg­a­tive rat­ing of this phone by the pub­lic. But I would say, now that this phone did not crash or self-destruct, l have no choice but to use it since I have signed the con­tract for the next 5 years. I was hop­ing for this other new phone, the Nokia S24 model since it speaks very well and can eas­ily con­nect to the 4G net­work. I even heard it’s water­proof from sweat and tears! I guess I have to wait till the con­tract ends.

    Goh Chok Tong

    PS. Ask me what is my great­est regreat? I have another anal­ogy to share :)

  • Sin Ga Por Lang

    =))

    Dear Cit­i­zen,

    Think of this anal­ogy, I was given a watch and was told that it can be an expen­sive watch. So I took it to div­ing, but who knows it is not water resis­tance. As a owner of the watch, I have to quickly get out of water.

    I might be blind or I might be care­less, but I did my very best to keep it running.

    Though I know that I can reject the watch or find a water resis­tance watch for the dive but that is not the point! Because since the watch is mine, just let it be, why do you all have care so much?

  • http://twitter.com/Gambariste Michael Graetz

    Dear Cit­i­zen,

    Think of this anal­ogy. I am the age­ing cen­tre back of PAP United and we’ve scored five quick goals at the start of the game (usu­ally we score many more, so this is not as good as it sounds). We were forced to bring one a sub­sti­tute in the open­ing min­utes. Now the oppos­ing team have intro­duced a new star striker who is really hot. I have a new, inex­pe­ri­enced right-back beside me. Together we must pre­vent the striker from scor­ing at all costs. I am not as nim­ble as I used to be and my left-back nearly scored an own goal in our last game five years ago and he is being out­flanked again. He is no George Best.

    What do I do? I have already tried to sup­port our left-back but exposed our goal keeper in the process. He’s already let one escape his grasp but we had it ruled off side. Sooner or later, it looks like the oppo­si­tion is going to score, but from where?

    The crowd is jeer­ing my right back every time she gets near the ball. Our man­ager men­tor is not help­ing by telling the crowd they will repent and our cen­tral mid­fielder is apolo­get­i­cally send­ing back passes to me all the time. All I can do is hope our new young player’s lack of expe­ri­ence will not put me in a posi­tion where I am forced to com­mit a foul and get sent off.

    Gohl Choke Tongue

  • Ter­atai

    Dear Cit­i­zen

    Think of this anal­ogy. I was given a puppy which was assessed to have the poten­tial to be a good guard or hunt­ing dog. While patrolling our bor­der fence, the puppy was bul­lied by the neighbour’s cats. As the leader of the pack, I had to pro­tect him, even at the risk of some nasty scratches.

    Am I being stub­born or deaf? Or did I do the hon­ourable thing expected of a top dog?

    That the puppy could have been bet­ter pre­pared, or even half as smart as the neighbour’s puppy which is even younger, is a sep­a­rate point. I am aware of the wide­spread unhap­pi­ness at send­ing this puppy to do a dog’s job. I would say, now that the puppy has avoided the cat­fight by hid­ing behind the “lau kow” (old dog), let him take his tail out from between his legs and prove he can be good dog. Now… Sit. There’s a good boy.

    GCT

  • http://www.miyagi.sg Mr Miyagi

    What is your great­est regret, @twitter-49339277:disqus ?

  • sarah­tan

    !!! huh.. the only rea­son why this recruit sur­vived was not because you saved her, it’s because the ‘bat­tle’ ended.. and from the looks of it, the ‘bat­tle’ is still raging..

  • Hey­pat

    Lol

  • http://twitter.com/ch33kybutt ch33ky butt

    Dear Shitty-zen,

    Think of this anal … aiyah, bway tahan oredi.
    “OI! Ah Ling ah! AH LING AH! Faster come!“
    *stomp­ing of clue­less lit­tle feet* “See out­side the win­dow! Got the bag lady you like leh. Her name what again ah? Spayed Cat issit? Ya ya, Kate Spade, cor­rect! Still can­not see? Got lah, see fur­ther some more. Some more. SOME MORE LAH!”

    *shove*

    Dear Shits-in-sand,

    Prob­lem solved.

    Goh “The Cleaner” Chok Tong

  • Sigh

    Think of this anal ogy. I was given a recruit who was assessed to have the poten­tial to be a good sol­dier because his boots always kilat kilat but IPPT failed. The pla­toon is full of wayang peo­ple. The recruit wayang till he become the best recruit. As pla­toon leader, I had to honor the SAF sys­tem, even if I know it pro­duces peo­ple who can read but not lead.

    Am I being stub­born or deaf? No I just wayang along.

    That the recruit could have bet­ter fit­ness is a sep­a­rate point. I am aware of the wide spread unhap­pi­ness at let­ting this recruit to be the best recruit. But I would say, now that the recruit has mas­tered the art of wayang, let him carry on since every­one here is doing it…

  • Mrbrown

    I don’t see any­thing wrong at all with GCT’s anal­ogy; it’s yours that totally doesn’t make sense.

    Why can’t you cook both chicken and rice? Even if you really have to choose one or the other, just go for the chicken! Isn’t that a no-brainer? Most peo­ple would love chicken with­out rice, even those who are not on a low-carb diet.

  • Ant

    Blan­ket Party!!!

  • http://twitter.com/vwank Vin­cent Wang

    Dear Citizen,

    think of this as an anal­ogy. i was given a record­ing artiste which was sup­pos­edly able to be a chart top­per. it turn out that this record­ing artiste was Rebecca Black. We recorded the song and it was hor­ri­ble, but we posted it on youtube nevertheless.

    Am i stub­born but i’m def­i­nitely deaf. but did i do the right thing for shar­ing this gem with the world?

    The record­ing artiste could have been Celine Dion or Lady GaGa is a sep­a­rate point. I am aware of the wide­spread ridicule at releas­ing this video. But I would say, now that the youtube hits has reached an all time high, let her prove that she can record an album by herself.

    GCT

  • http://www.facebook.com/shuyen Kor Shu Yen

    Pur­suant to Sec­tion 49, Para­graph 7E of the Par­lia­men­tary Act, I declare that the expe­ri­ence of the recruit is exactly the point.

  • anony­mous

    Actu­ally his anal­ogy makes per­fect sense if you read it again.

    I was given a recruit who was assessed to have the poten­tial to be a good sol­dier. The pla­toon had to cap­ture a hill. The recruit came under a hail of bul­lets. As pla­toon leader, I had to pro­tect him, even at the risk of my own life.

    Am I being stub­born or deaf? Or did I not do the hon­ourable thing expected of a pla­toon leader?
    That the recruit could have been bet­ter pre­pared for the mis­sion or be an older, more expe­ri­enced recruit is a sep­a­rate point. I am aware of the wide­spread unhap­pi­ness at send­ing this recruit to the pla­toon. But I would say, now that the recruit has sur­vived the ordeal of bat­tle, let him prove that he can be a good soldier…

    (2LT) GC­T

    read between the lines.

  • Mr Tan

    I would feel very con­cerned for a pla­toon com­man­der who had to send a recruit rather than a pri­vate into a sit­u­a­tion which saw a hail of bul­lets. Was the com­man­der in short sup­ply of man­power? At least a pri­vate would have gone through BMT and know to avoid get­ting shot. Actu­ally on hind­sight, I think the anal­ogy is PERFECT! Next time wait until the per­son at least achieve the low­est actual rank in the army instead of a chow recruit.

  • Har­vey Neo

    Dear Mr Miyagi

    Think
    of this anal­ogy. I was dri­ving to hunt for mush­rooms in a car with a co-driver who was assessed to have the
    poten­tial to be a good mush­room picker. We had to find mush­rooms in a hill fre­quented by tigers. (It turns out that the co-driver had no driver’s license but this does not affect my anal­ogy, so I’ll just leave it at that). The
    recruit was chased by a tiger in the hill and I had to tie my shoe laces and run very fast to dis­tract the tiger so as to pro­tect my co-driver-even at the risk of my own life.Am I being stub­born or deaf? I don’t know. Thing is, we did not find any mush­rooms but did find plenty of rot­ting dead trees which inci­den­tally was used by one of the three lit­tle pigs to build a Weak Wooden house. Did I not do the hon­ourable thing expected of a dri­ver by plac­ing into safety my co-driver in the Weak Wooden House?That
    the co-driver could have been bet­ter pre­pared to hunt for mush­rooms (for a start, she should be able to drive a car) is a sep­a­rate point. I am aware of the
    wide­spread unhap­pi­ness at send­ing this co-driver to hunt for edi­ble mush­rooms. But I
    would say, now, that I still do not know what is a First World Par­lia­ment (despite me googling it two times). Nonethe­less, the co-driver has sur­vived the tiger attack, I hope he can even­tu­ally find some mush­rooms in this rot­ting Wooden House too.

  • Nyet­shin

    Think of this anal­ogy– I own an extremely pop­u­lar chilli crab stall along the east coast. It did very well for many years as I had no com­peti­tors & as there is no mrt, & as buses out of area were always packed, res­i­dents in the area had no choice but to patron­ize my stall if they wanted to have their chili crab fix.

    One day, I was offered a young chilli crab chef wannabe. I was happy to accept her as she had many years expe­ri­ence run­ning a cof­fee shop & I thought she could help develop new crab dishes to cater to younger customers.

    Alas — my new recruit never tasted chilli crab in her life — or Local or sri lankan crabs for that mat­ter. She only tasted crab claws from Alaska & hokkaido. When I gave her some chilli to pound, she would stamp her feet & say she did not know what to do. Ala­mak — I even had to tell her that chilli crab should be served hot & not chilled! I received many com­plaints, even from my reg­u­lar cus­tomers who have eaten at my stall for 30 odd years. As a good boss I had to shield my new staff mem­ber from the crit­i­cisms, & try to coun­sel her to do bet­ter, even at the risk of get­ting a nasty review from a food blogger.

    Was I being stub­born or was I being deaf? Or did I do the right thing as a leader want­ing to develop his team at the risk of poi­son­ing others?

    That the new chef wannabe could have been bet­ter pre­pared in both her tech­ni­cal & soft skills ie at least learnt what chilli crab should taste like & not out­rightly con­tra­dict cus­tomers who com­plained about our high prices is a sep­a­rate point. I was aware of the wide­spread unhap­pi­ness that my new employee caused but we man­aged to fend off a new stall sud­denly open­ing which sold nonya chilli crab! It was highly pop­u­lar but closed as luck­ily it just wanted to test the mar­ket & were unpre­pared for the pos­i­tive response & had to shut pre­ma­turely. ..we should move on & let my young chef prac­tice her skills on my cus­tomers (since they have no choice any­way). It is okay if she acci­den­tally loses a few or if they feel they are get­ting a raw deal.…rumor has it that there will be plenty of new set­tlers mov­ing to the area anyway!

    Woody

  • Justin

    Poelpe’s Action Bar­bie. Each should be sold sep­a­rately. Bat­ter­ies not included.

    The recruit should be happy that he sur­vived the bat­tle. I sug­gest he quit army since he had con­sis­tently showed he is not cut to be a sol­dier. He can prob­a­bly con­tribute to nation build­ing by other means such as stay­ing home and raise kids.

  • sieteo­cho

    I was going to men­tion that too. Look like he was fucked by his CO

  • Skchua7

    There was a rich towkay who lived in Marine Parade. He earned his
    mil­lions from stag­ing cock-fighting shows. One day he decided to bring
    out his prize catch to show the usual crowd around him. It was a frail
    look­ing chick that had not learn how to crow except to whim­per “cheap
    cheap” and hopped up and down on its own two feet. The rich towkay
    boasted that the chick would grow its spurs to become a fine fight­ing
    cock in 5 years time. The peo­ple did not believe him and began to jeer
    and throw stones at the chick. To pro­tect the fright­ened chick from the
    angry crowd,the towkay did the hon­ourable act by hid­ing the chick in his
    back pocket. He went on to try to con­vince the crowd of his time tested
    abil­ity to spot a fight­ing cock from the day the chick was borne. And
    in 5 years time if the chick turned out to be a hen and not the cock
    that the towkay had boasted, at least every­one could have eggs for char
    kway teow at the Marine Parade hawker centre.

  • Jaketan77

    Think of this anal­ogy. I was given a van by my boss to deliver chwee kway from Tiong Bahru to Bedok. My boss told the cus­tomer I was to deliver the chwee kway to that the van was capa­ble of a top speed of 70 km/h and will reach him in at most 40 mins. How­ever, I know for a fact that the van can only do 35 km/h and will get me in trou­ble with TP if I had gone onto the express­way. As a chwee kuay deliv­ery man, I had to make sure I get this piece of junk my boss calls a van from Tiong Bahru to Bedok in under 40 mins.
    Am I being stub­born or deaf? Or did I not do the hon­ourable thing expected of a chwee kuay deliv­ery man?
    My boss could have given me a real van which could have brought me to Bedok with no prob­lems. I am aware of the pos­si­ble unhap­pi­ness of the cus­tomer and my boss if the chwee kway arrived late. But I would say, now that I had got the “van” with its chwee kway cargo to arrive in Bedok barely on time only because of my years of expe­ri­ence and good knowl­edge of the roads, my employer should scrap this sorry excuse of a van and give me a brand new one. 

  • Benny Tan

    Dear Yvonne Chia,
    Think of this anal­ogy. I was given a nubile nitwit who was assessed to have the poten­tial to be an older nitwit.
    I just sucked it up. Every­thing else is a sep­a­rate point. You should too.
    GCT

  • kelvin

    Super nice one Nokia S24. I laughed like mad when i realise what that represented

  • Yanny Ong

     This GCT anal­ogy (if true) is seri­ously flawed because it assumes the peo­ple of Sin­ga­pore is the ‘enemy’.  

  • Kayangmo

    It is this: Get the recruit in, and you can retire, old Goh, and still keep your pen­sion. Period.
    What do I do? I get the recruit in.

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