Weekly Tweets

  • From miyagi.sg: Weekly Tweets http://bit.ly/vcwDq #
  • Is looking forward to lunch with Bob Blumer #
  • Bob Blumer's hair is not as big as I remember. #
  • The bus driver is taking the longest route possible to get to the first stop. Bob's telling us about limes and lemons. #
  • Bob Blumer is making popiah skin. His version is a bit thicker. And less round. There is some on his shirt. #
  • Bob Blumer would pay $10 for a popiah. Ang Mo always push prices up. #
  • We're with @bobblumer at a restaurant called Old Mother Hen. It is in Geylang. They will fry pig's fallopian tubes for us. #
  • Fallopian tubes are really quite yum. #
  • We might not have time for @bobblumer to arbitrate on Original Katong Laksa. #
  • That was the best bak chor mee! #
  • Bob Blumer Makan Tour photos: http://bit.ly/Q0afZ #
  • Yes, Celest Chong, self-promotion is best promotion. http://skitch.com/t/wuj #
  • 40 years ago today, my mum considers naming me "Apollo", not Neil, or Armstrong or Eagle. But luckily not 'Lunar' either. #
  • Naomi offered to buy four Ben10 Birthday Cakes – become Ben40! #
  • From miyagi.sg: 40 and a day http://bit.ly/iLtUF #
  • For the cunning beauty: http://bit.ly/DEPOs #
  • From miyagi.sg: Wanted: Diaper Ninja Warrior http://bit.ly/10zWJT #
  • RT @patlaw: OMG! Yasmin Ahmad suffered stroke! I hope she'll be fine…. http://tr.im/tEOU (via @jayleif) this is heartbreaking.. #
  • Thank you http://bit.ly/19tZuw #
  • Thank you #kiehls http://bit.ly/19tZuw #
  • From miyagi.sg: Stupid condo name #1: The Gale http://bit.ly/46pUw #
  • Slow news day: You catch our terrorist, we catch your snatch thief: http://bit.ly/AezKi #
  • RT @metacole: RT @Xiaxue Here's ONE advice which I think is VERY, VERY impt. If u want people to read u, a paragraph should NEVER be lon … #
  • Waitress at Canelé doesn't know what a double latté is. For this type of prices, #fail #
  • http://twitpic.com/bjjti – The hot food's pretty impressive though. #
  • On second thoughts, Naomi's crepes not so good. So, not quite the Bakerzin killer, this place. #
  • http://twitpic.com/bjue7 – Because there are other kinds of boiling water. #
  • Vale, Yasmin Ahmad #
  • Playing with Kai, eating breakfast and tweeting – simultaneously. This is Sunday morning. It is Sunday, right? #
  • Recharge your kids! http://bit.ly/qCA73 #
  • http://twitpic.com/booam – Househunting is fraught with bad sentences. #
  • RE: Found the condo they were trying to beat: http://bit.ly/WY44S
    http://disq.us/1by3 #

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Wanted: Diaper Ninja Warrior

A full night’s sleep still eludes us as Kai still manages to stir for a night feed at least once in the night.

And by stir, I mean he cries loud enough to wake the neighbours. Doing things while sleep drunk should by now have been second nature to us, but second nature it isn’t, and it is still a challenge to keep our wits about us as we carry him from his cot, or when we find that he needs a diaper change.

I’m already a clumsy fella when I’m awake, so it’s necessary to snap myself into full baby care mode to make sure Kai’s transported, cleaned and changed without too much fuss or discomfort to him.

One thing that I’ve learned over the past couple of months is that in a flash, just like that, one nanosecond of a lapse of concentration, and you will get baby poop everywhere. Your shirt, your pants, your hands, your feet, the carpet, the wall. And when you finally manage to extract the very soiled diaper from the squirming baby, you make a new poop trail on the same places.

Worse, when once you had a baby with a full diaper, you now have one with poop all over his buttocks, legs and, oh no! Howdahelldiditgetontohishandsohnodon’ttouchyourfacewithit!

This diaper changing business is an exercise in concentration and focus. You and your carpet and whatever fabric you have in your home cannot afford to be complacent. I’ll be putting up posters to exhort myself not to slacken. It’ll be like those you see for Total Defence or national service or Dengue:

“Every second counts. Don’t let poop take over your nursery”

“The soil on my face is poop. My baby’s poop”.

“Poopy room. It is your fight.”

“He who hesitates is lost and has poop all over”

40 and a day

The Gado Gado is still Good Good

I was hoping to ease into my 40s, with no fanfare and no celebration, just a little acknowledgement that I’m heading towards new frontiers.

So it was good that the day was spent with my wife and son, with a hearty meal at Sanur that was just as good as it was back when my mum and dad used to bring us to eat after Sunday School.

Then we explored the new mall, Orchard Central and found a Gelaré, and found that it was Tuesday, which meant that all waffles were half price, which meant that I had everything I wanted for my birthday.

Weekly Tweets

  • From miyagi.sg: Weekly Tweets http://tinyurl.com/nvk5hh #
  • RT @mrbrown: http://bit.ly/eJYe9 David Letterman: Top Ten Things That Sound Cool When Spoken By A Giant Robot #
  • FB RT: IZ Reloaded Malaysia's Health Minister blames men who wear tight pants for the lack of babies in the country. http://tinyurl.com/#
  • RT @dsng: Received an ad in my e-mail for F. Dick knives. Crossed my legs instinctively in response. #
  • I read "3 more periods of Clit" RT @geraldinexoxo: 3 more periods of cl lit. 2 more hours. #
  • Which is the original Katong Laksa, please someone tell me. #
  • RT @ABC: U.K. Govt Encourages Teen Masturbation: A leaflet that advises an 'orgasm a day' to prevent pregnancy stirs debate. http://tiny#
  • RT @GenkiGenki: Steven Lim's tribute to MJ (wait for the singing) http://bit.ly/5Dgkf (via @iammyy @furrychan) #
  • RT @mrbrown: http://bit.ly/ZfX1z Mother horrified by profanities in NS life. Wait till she finds out her sons are trained to kill people. #
  • Dear newspaper, "twittering" is what YOU do, "Tweeting" is what the rest of us do. http://skitch.com/t/wtk #

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Weekly Tweets

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There goes the neighbourhood

This week my sister and family came back from Toronto for the summer, and one of the first couple of things she asked was whether Jet Li had moved into our mother’s neighbourhood yet.

I said I didn’t think so, because wild monkeys that roam the area haven’t been poached for medicinal purposes yet.

Lately, conversations around the house have veered dangerously into unharmonious territory, as we spoke about how it just isn’t right that sales staff at many shops now don’t speak anything but Mainland Chinese, and that when we Singaporeans exclaim, “wah lao, damn expensive, can?”, the same sales staff take it as a request and say, “can!” instead of commiserating and claiming “boss, best price already”.

The last Jet Li interview in English that I remember was the one where he speaks about his role in Lethal Weapon 4:

“The directurr. He teow me. Prease dong hurk Meow”.

In standard English, it means, “Because I am such a kung fu stud, I might hurt mere mortals with just the touch of a finger. The director of the movie was worried that I might accidentally injure what you people call an action movie star like Mel Gibson”.

Come on, man. If you want to be Singaporean and move here, at least mangle English like we do, can?

Dong take it personally and feel hurk, ok?

Jet Li as Emperor Qin Shi Huang
What they mean, “Jet Li no horse run”? I have horse what”.

Weekly Tweets

  • From miyagi.sg: Weekly Tweets http://tinyurl.com/l7vscj #
  • Nobody uses the lift at The Verge because of the sign on the doors. Except me because I'm clever like that. http://bit.ly/mNb2p #
  • From miyagi.sg: Scary songs for children http://tinyurl.com/mjckdx #
  • Got Milk, by Michael Bay: http://ping.fm/ut7vJ #
  • I have to change my shirt more often than Kai because he manages to spit up on me and not on himself. #
  • RT @gssq: "I'm 100% full blooded Korean,meaning I have been gifted with unparallel talent to master any video game,particularly, Starcra … #
  • How about that thunder #
  • the rain was a disappointment though. #
  • Govt e-services #fail: http://bit.ly/kwlCG #
  • RT @flyirene: @TheEllenShow hey ellen,we wld really lover you to come to singapore.we love u here!can we you visit soon?-ardent fan/come … #
  • It's Sumo costume day for Kai because we are tired of changing outfits for him. #
  • tanglin mall is where parents jostle for pram parking and cast jealous eyes at the more expensive strollers. #
  • RT @GenkiGenki: HAHA RT @moby74: Hitler finds out Michael Jackson has died. http://ff.im/-4KmKP #
  • u like balls? win a chance to meet kobe bryant in sg! http://tr.im/ #
  • I have burped myself more while trying to burp the baby. #fail #
  • RE: I must find the hymnal. But ACS boys should never sing Chinese songs (unless they're Taiwanese pop sensation J.J. Li… http://disq.us/tn1 #
  • You are making Memory Lane more like Elm Street! RT @khaosworks: @miyagi At least you're not mass-dancing to Wang Chung. Anymore. #
  • From miyagi.sg: I will not eat full-grain mustard again http://tinyurl.com/lo72eq #
  • Air New Zealand have nothing to hide http://bit.ly/a0u33 #
  • Please RT: "…except in limited circumstances, non-consensual vaginal sex within marriage is not treated as rape." http://www.notorape.com #
  • PM Lee on PAP women: "They work very hard in the background". #
  • RE: Yup, we're on Hogg's EASY schedule, more or less. I'll check out Gina Ford's routines, thanks for the tip! http://disq.us/u40 #

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I will not eat full-grain mustard again

Grey Poupon
Photo by Cynthia Blue

We haven’t hit the sweet spot yet where Kai sleeps through a night. He made 5 hours for two nights this week, but we’re now resigned to them being flukes.

Maybe he’s not eating enough and sleeping too much during the day, we’re not sure. And going on guestimates based on books and the Confinement Nanny’s advice can be a bit tiring because all you want to do is try to get a few hours’ unbroken sleep.

Kai is too young to know that he needs sleep, and although it makes complete sense to us that he shouldn’t be over-stimulated lest he can’t lull himself to sleep, our son can find all sorts of ways to drive himself batty – he starts babbling once there are toys in his line of sight. You take away his toys, he stares at the patterns on his cot. You turn out the lights, he cries until you turn them back on, so that he can stare at the patterns on his cot.

We are grateful we haven’t yet found Murphy’s Law of Diaper Change to be irrefutable – he keeps his diapers clean for at least 2 minutes after I change them, but all new and prospective parents need to know that there are duties that include examining your baby’s poop, because the colour and texture of your baby’s faeces is one of the signs of whether your child is ill or not.

Because of this, Naomi’s and my mealtime conversations have evolved. Whereas once we might have talked about how stupid local tv programs are, now she asks while I’m tucking into lunch, “Do you find his poop a bit runny?”

And I might answer, “yes, but isn’t it always like that?”

To which she’ll say, “not that runny”.

And I’ll ask, “then what’s it supposed to look like?”

And she’ll say, “like full-grain mustard, you know?”