All stops pulled out in search for fugitive


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Don’t speculate how he escaped, the authorities say ‘all stops are being pulled’ to rein in accused terror mastermind Mas Selamat Kastari. Says Channelnewsasia: “With the tight security presence, Singaporeans are generally confident this crisis will soon be resolved.” Add to that, “and the jams at the causeway will soon clear up”.

At least now we know there’s an ISD detention centre in the vicinity of Whitley Road where they’re busy patching up the escape hatch in the toilet. Meanwhile, ‘all stops being pulled’ should be taken to mean that all agencies that are capable of helping are on the job: SCDF, SPF, SAF, SMRT, MHA, MOM and MCYS.

Security guards at condominiums, I hope, will also be doing more than waving you past the guardhouse as long as you mutter your “friend’s apartment number” as your entry password.

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I’m f***ing Matt Damon / Ben Affleck

Truth be told, I fell asleep watching the Oscars on Oscar Night (known in Singapore as “Why Does It Have To Be On A Monday Morning”) before a single award was presented.

Also not present at the party was Jimmy Kimmel of Jimmy Kimmel Live! But if star watching’s your cup of tea, then what happened on that show would be, well, your cup of tea.

A few weeks ago, Kimmel’s girlfriend, Sarah Silverman made a hilarious birthday video for him titled, “I’m fucking Matt Damon”, and last night, he premiered his response, predictably titled “I’m fucking Ben Affleck”.

But his video is a much, much bigger production, and features hilarious cameos by, if I’m not wrong, Robin Williams, Don Cheadle, Harrison Ford, Brad Pitt, Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate, Benji Madden, Joel Madden, Dicky Barrett, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Lance Bass, Dominic Monaghan, Meatloaf, Pete Wentz, Joan Jett, Huey Lewis, Perry Farrell, Macy Gray and Josh Groban.

Enjoy.

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Buyer beware

No, this isn't ChinaIf you kept pet insects and for some reason, had to go to this supermarket to get pet supplies, you’d have to be really careful what you put in your trolley, else you might just end up going home and committing insecticide.

OK, maybe not that funny, but the signboard indicating what the shelves on this aisle contained was soooo big it was begging to be photographed. The rest of the supermarket wasn’t so funny though.

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Priority Banking

If you’ve had the opportunity to go to a bank in the flesh as opposed to doing it via telephone banking or cyber-forex, you’d probably have had the chance to listen to a bank teller telling you about their latest financial products that come with some free gift that start from as low as $9 a day so invest now.

That alone is enough to encourage you to do all your banking online, which is what they’re trying to make you do of course. Saves them hellalottamoney maintaining physical branches.

But there’s a Russian bank called Expobank which is doing things the other way round. It recently released a calendar, as most people sometimes do before the start of a year, featuring some of their female banking staff in various degrees of undress.

I’m not asking anyone to imagine our local tellers doing the same thing, or that you should mentally undress your teller the next time you do some face-to-face banking, but the queues at the branches should leave you with ample time to ponder the different meanings of ‘deposits’, ‘withdrawals’ and ‘corporate transactions’.

I'd bank with Expobank

The models include the bank’s chief economist for super-rich VIP clients, Anna Pogodina (Miss March), and her boss, Julia Kovyneva (Miss April), who is sprawled across a bed.

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