A Bird Park of biblical promotions

 Whatsup Images Birds-Of-Christmas-BigI was walking Mac this afternoon on the pavement outside our apartment blocks, and at the bus stop I saw a poster for the Jurong Bird Park with a verse from Isaiah – “They will soar on wings like eagles”, and I thought it slightly disturbing that in a secular and multi-racial city state, there’d be a public establishment that would use a biblical verse, as opposed to any other of religious significance, to promote an event.

If there’s nothing wrong with that, why not a Hari Raya Ramadan Bird Park campaign with “Koran 24:1 : …Whom does glorify all those who are in the heavens and the earth and the birds with wings outspread”?

I got home and online and found that the verse was used for the Bird Park’s Birds of Christmas events. But instead of a turkey, there was an eagle on the poster. There was however, a holiday to Turkey the country to be won if one participated in some lucky draw.

The only other turkey to be found at the Bird Park comes in the form of “Bongo’s Christmas Turkey Drumstick Meal” served with butter rice or fries for only $14.90. I dunno, but that sounds a bit like eating bacon in front of a pig.

For your post meal entertainment at 1pm at the Amphitheatre, there’s “Santa’s Pirates”, presumably because his elves are on annual leave.

On top of the Park’s website, there’s a flashing notice that reads “Singapore is bird flu free, so are we”. I think they have Mad Cow instead.

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Why golf is as good as tennis

It’s time to take the clubs out of the closet.

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Because golf’s Anna is as hot as tennis’ Maria. And I haven’t even seen her tee off, much less birdie a hole, but I’ll definitely (with the wife’s blessing) be keeping an eagle eye out for her, regardless of how many bogeys she makes or how long she’s stuck in a bunker.

Besides, you get more exercise being a bad golfer than a good one.

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Oh stop it, Maria. You had your time in the sun.

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Completely useless Christmas gifts: parking coupon holder

Bb-Coupon-Holder-Blue

Available in three colours, and going for a steal at $38 at Anthropology, you’ll never have to wonder where you keep your URA/HDB parking coupons because you can’t be bothered to check the glove compartment, ever again. And don’t worry, you’ve already gotten the ERP IU cashcard cover to deter would-be thieves from breaking your window and stealing your valuables, so they won’t be bothered with your measly coupons.

Besides, how would they know how many coupons you’ve got left in your booklet?

But if you really do end up receiving (or getting one for yourselves) one of these, you can also adapt it and use it when you drive up north. Behold, the Malaysian North-South Highway Speeding & Other Traffic Offences Kit! You’ll never have to rummage through your wallet again for the right denomination of currency to… um… instantly pay your speeding fine.

Bb-Coupon-Holder-Blue-Adapted

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Completely useless Christmas gifts: ERP IU cashcard cover

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I have never understood the purpose of this car accessory.

This site says it “hides cashcard to prevent theft”, and is available for $6.95

There’s no lock on this device, so if anyone wants to take a cashcard out of your IU, they simply lift the cover.

This is how it works: you keep your cashcard inserted in your car’s IU so that you don’t drive under an ERP gantry and get fined for not having a cashcard in your IU. So, you’re afraid people might break into your car to steal your cashed up cashcard, so you put a cover on the IU so that you screw with any would-be thief’s head:

Hmmm… got cash card inside or not? So hard to tell, with this stupid cash card cover.

Hmmm… I think got. Because if don’t have, they won’t put the cover. OK, I’ll smash his window.

Hmmm… then again, maybe don’t have. He’s trying to make me second guess my decision to smash his window. So maybe better don’t smash his window.

Hmmm… then again, how would I know if I don’t smash his window? OK, I’ll smash his window.

Hmmm… if I smash his window and there’s no cash card, damn wasted effort right? OK, maybe better don’t smash his window.

Hmmm… then again, if I don’t smash his window, and there’s a cash card inside, damn wasted right? OK, I’ll smash his window.

Hmmm… OK, if I smash his window, and there’s a cash card, but the cash card got very little cash inside… OK, maybe don’t smash his window…

Arrrrgh! Fuck! I think I go rob some old lady first, then come back and smash his window.

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Tandoori

Tandoori House

Our oven had been out of order for almost a year, owing initially to a lack of use (so said the oven dealer), and then to my can’t be bothered because there’s lots you can cook in a pan instead-ness, and then to the fact that the oven is very old, and replacement parts weren’t available in the last two months.

So it was with great joy that I greeted the oven repair guy, who fixed it up in a jiffy. I then decided to make a tandoori chicken lunch to re-christen the oven. Lunch was yummy, but every single nook and cranny of the apartment, as well as every inhabitant and object, now smell like tandoori.

The cat and dog don’t seem to mind their new scent, and it is a good thing they spend most of the time indoors, because they must smell tasty to other animals.

Speaking of other animals (it’s a slow news day at home), here’s what’s been happening with mice, cats and dogs around the world:

Flourescent cats cloned
Dogs save toddler from drowning
Fearless mouse created

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Thirsty work

A hard earned thirst needs some cold tap water. And it’s not just Jake that’s finding living with Mac a little bit of work. Just as we were saying that we thought we had him house-trained, he went and went on one of our carpets.

But dogs do what dogs do, and it’ll take some more training before we get him to get it right. And that may be more than we can say for some dog owners/handlers from the vicinity. It’s only when I’ve become a dog owner that I’ve realised how some people won’t pick up after their dog after the mutt has pooped on the grass in a public place. Not good, people.

Of course, there are many more moments where we’re not mopping up dog pee at home, and where our pets are simply photogenic. Or at least, photogenic when Naomi takes pictures of them:

Cat Dog

Dog & Bone

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