Question 24

I’ve been told I don’t answer questions. Not by keeping silent, but by saying something totally unrelated (and infuriating).

Exempli Gratia:

Q: What is your favourite colour?

A: OK.

temasekholdings.pngI’ve just realised my overwhelming tendency to do this qualifies me for a job at one of our nation’s finest corporations. You know? The one that had (yes, past tense probably correct) an employee who attached the wrong file to an outgoing email to the press?

The document at issue (via tomorrow.sg) contains questions which were meant to train executives how to handle the press when questioned as regards the purchase of Standard Chartered stock. I give you question 24 and the answer given:

Q: How is Temasek funding this investment?

A: We have the necessary funding for this investment.

I am sending in my CV tomorrow.

If you’re also of the same ilk, and would like to see if you qualify, all you need to do is answer questions like this commenter did on one of mrbrown’s blog entries: Link.

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Climate of fear no more!

sex toy question on google
miyagi.sg – for answers to all the questions you were afraid to ask

So there’s a couple in Singapore who want to spice up their sex life by supplementing it with some equipment, and what do they do? Google the question, ‘are we allowed to buy sex toy’.

Allow Mr Miyagi to inform all and sundry that the answer is a resounding ‘yes‘!

contrabannedAlso, just last weekend, I was chuffed to see at a pharmacist’s that there was chewing gum to be bought. I had heard that we could buy gum now that the ban’s been partially lifted, and so, eagerly bought two packs after registering myself at the pharmacy as a gum user, leaving my name, NRIC No., and the type of chewing gum I was intending to use. (It was the tooth whitening type – purely for pharmaceutical use).

There you have it, people! You can buy sex toys and chew gum! And with the Progress Package notification I received in the mail the other day, you could say I am one happy citizen! I’m gonna use the $300 to buy sex toys and chewing gum!

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TODAY: Vigilante justice, blogger-style

vigilante.jpgHave computer will condemn – poor car parkers be warned

YOU’RE looking for a parking space at Suntec City and there it is — a red Subaru parked across two lots.

Makes your blood boil, doesn’t it?

Now, you can take a picture of the offending car and send it to Parking Idiots in Singapore (parkingidiots.blogspot.com), a blog inspired by the American website, Parking Idiots (www.parkingidiots.com), where the tagline reads: “Your parking is our amusement.”

Not merely for amusement, the Singapore edition of Parking Idiots contains photographs of cars parked illegally or just without consideration for other car park users.

Read more at TODAYonline: [pdf][text]

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Continue reading

Promoting criminal activity should be criminal

Singapore National Flag
No Invisible Man Allowed

On Saturday, whispers were heard (damn loud lah, these whisperers), that some party organised by Fridae.com had been cancelled because the police had contacted the venue owners (MoS) and warned them that if the party had gone ahead, they’d ‘come to the club to shut the party down and take action against the club.’

Apparently, the reason given by the police was that the venue owners would be ‘promoting gay activities’.

I suppose if you drew a very very long bow you could possibly say that that was akin to abetting a crime. And you know we live in a place sometimes known as the land of the long long bow.

Beer promoters at coffee shops, watch out, your number is up next. Drink driving is a serious crime, you know?

You know how terrible you lot are, you aunties in your skimpy tiger beer outfits, promoting your vile and evil nectar so convincingly that I cannot help but partake of it when I know damn well it causes me harm.

This isn’t new, you know? So, I really don’t know what the big fuss is about.

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Podcast: wonders of singapore 1, katong

katong.jpgKatong is a much vaunted suburb. The people who live out here and hereabouts are dead proud of the area and are so blase about its many little quirks that they pretend that it’s nothing out of the ordinary when someone from any other, less interesting, part of Singapore say something along the lines of ‘eh, so cute, the red house, so antique, so quaint.’

It takes a tour guide like ‘Noodle Chia’ (full name Chia Mee Kiah) to show you the real Katong, warts, massage parlours and all.

This podcast is sponsored by Okamoto Condoms. Don’t forget to enter yourself in the Okamoto Condoms Contest, and stand a chance to win up to $1,000 in cash prizes!

Podcast: the mrbrown show 27 March 2006: wonders of singapore 1, katong
(MP3, Filesize: 8.7mb, Time: 00:17:03)

Subscribe:[feed][iTunes]

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The Banned Wagon

It can be difficult living in a place where your personal life is governed by, well, just governed. And by personal life, I mean, things that you do in your private sphere that won’t harm other people, and by that, I mean, it follows that it wouldn’t, or shouldn’t, by any means, be a crime.

Now, besides wondering if that was the most tortured two sentence paragraph you’ve ever read, aren’t you also asking, ‘now what made him think of something like that?’?

And I’ll tell you it’s because I was talking to my American business partners the other day, and they told me they read in the news that the state of Missouri (in the U.S., not Sungei Missouri in Kelantan or something), had just banned sex toys. You cannot buy a dildo there.

But as my American partners told me, you can buy a gun there. You know? Things that shoot bullets that kill people, but that you can buy to protect yourselves with?

I couldn’t find any article regarding the Missouri Sex Toy Ban, but found this instead:

Tennessee Republican Eric H. Swafford has a new bill to ban all dildos and to make sex toy possession a crime:

http://www.legislature.state.tn.us/bills/currentga/BILL/HB3798.pdf

Please, e-mail him to support this much needed law, before we all go blind: rep.eric.swafford@legislature.state.tn.us

Then, lets get on the phone to Sen. Crowell and Rep. Sater and get them on board with this. Tell them it is about “moral values” and putting the smack down on Satan.

Man, I’ll tell ya, I’m sure glad we live in this fair and free city, where we can buy all manner of sex toys without fear of prosecution.

Surf stop: I’ve started a new category called ‘The Banned Wagon‘, talking about all things prohibited.

Sing me a song, yellow piano man

There are some songs whose lyrics I often mess up and my friends don’t tell me I’ve messed them up, just so they get a good laugh every time I sing it.

But of course, eventually I find out Billy Joel didn’t ask the ‘Yellow Piano Man‘ to sing him a song; and The Black Crowes didn’t sing ‘Hey baby let me light your chemicals cos I’m sure to hananah mess around’, in the song ‘Hard to handle’, but actually ‘Hey little thing let me light your candle ‘Cause mama I’m sure hard to handle, now, gets around’.

It didn’t matter if the title was ‘Hard to Handle’, and not ‘Hananah’, whatever ‘hannanah’ was (some sort of chemical?). I’d still sing the wrong slurrics.

Then there are people who misinterpret lyrics. Now, that’s pretty common, you might think, and not that funny. But I know this guy who loves the theme song from ‘Fame‘. He’d sing it all the time. Then one day, he sings it, and then mutters, ‘What kind of name is ‘Fame’?’

He’d thought the song was about a person named ‘Fame’, and quite heatedly argued that it was because the chorus went ‘Remember my name: Fame! I wanna live forever!’, and why would she ask people to remember her name – fame, because I would also say that what, you know? remember my name – John!’ if I wanted people to remember my name is John…’

I’m not entirely sure if he’s been convinced of the truth yet, but in any case, he’s a great singer.

Then this morning, they played a Cliff Richard song on the radio which I like very much. Only thing is, for years, I never knew the real title of the song, and always thought it was a nice love song dedicated to some woman named ‘Shandeep’.

‘Cos y’know, Cliff sings, all torch-song like, so powerfully: ‘Ooohh Shandeeeeeep, I’m so afraid to show my feelings, I have sailed a million ceilings…’


“Miss Kaur always felt a special, personal affinity for Sir Cliff’s works and would always feel as if he were singing to her”

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