I’ve been spend­ing more time than usual at Hol­land Vil­lage, and at one of my favourite cof­fee shops. The one that sells roast pork, chicken wings and pretty decent drinks.

A few after­noons ago, I sat there nurs­ing my sec­ond Tiger mug of iced cof­fee because I had been thirsty enough to order but not drink two. At 2.30 in the after­noon, Hol­land Vil­lage, as you know, is still pretty busy with slow mov­ing cars and slower mov­ing peo­ple. And it was such a blaz­ing after­noon, peo­ple were mov­ing even slower than usual. Even the Jack Rus­sell ter­ri­ers being taken down the street to the vet/petshop weren’t as spritely as they ought to be.

And as you know, Hol­land Vil­lage is always chock full of Ang Mohs of all nation­al­i­ties. So much that the anti-terrorist bar­ri­ers are still in oper­a­tion between 7pm and 7am on some of the more pop­u­lar Ang Moh streets, where Cof­fee Leaf and Tea Bean and the likes are located: “There will be no ter­ror­ist activ­ity between 7pm and 7am on these streets because the ter­ror­ists are not allowed to vault over this flimsy metal gate between these hours”, says a sign that doesn’t exist. But ought to be there. So ter­ror­ists would know. Bomb­ing is not allowed. There is a gate. It is locked.

But any­way, that after­noon, at the cof­feeshop with me were two Ang Moh men, sit­ting at sep­a­rate tables, mind­ing their own busi­ness, which wasn’t much. The first man was seated fac­ing the back of the sec­ond, and was mulling over his Tiger mug of Tiger, and the other, seated one table away from the first was por­ing over some book.

Then it hap­pened. The sec­ond man leaned to his left so that half his back­side was off the plas­tic chair. And let out a god almighty audi­ble fart. It was a toot long and loud enough above the traf­fic noise to star­tle him­self and the peo­ple at the cof­feeshop. There was a very preg­nant pause as every­one, cof­fee stall owner, char­siew, roast pork stall owner and chicken wing man, all turned towards the direc­tion of the sud­den noise. The Ang Moh sit­ting behind the Tootler was already chok­ing on his Tiger try­ing to sti­fle his gig­gles. Then every­one burst out laughing.

The poor bugger-who-thought-this-big-one-would-be-a-silent-stinker sat frozen, prob­a­bly not able to decide whether to acknowl­edge his audi­ence, or get up and flee.

Half the tiger in my tank
Iced Cof­fee also comes in Heineken mugs


Sorry. Reflex. Noth­ing to do with this post. Not bad though.

the mr brown show 26th April 2005. Or via sub­scrip­tion here.
Surf stop: je suis libre

iTunes’ party shuf­fle is play­ing a copy of: tmbs-050426 results may vary — mrbrown — the mrbrown show, of which I have the orig­i­nal CD and there­fore didn’t steal music.
 
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  • Anony­mous

    I see you’re still up. I guess you’re pretty street smart in a sense.

  • Anony­mous

    I see you’re still up. I guess you’re pretty street smart in a sense.

  • http://theory.isthereason.com Kevin

    I miss hol­land vil­lage… I miss roast pork too… argh, I miss Sin­ga­pore! :(

  • http://theory.isthereason.com Kevin

    I miss hol­land vil­lage… I miss roast pork too… argh, I miss Sin­ga­pore! :(

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/7151582 wil­lowink

    haha, this is funny!

    So, the moral of the story is, “don’t sit with your back fac­ing another Ang Moh”?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/7151582 wil­lowink

    haha, this is funny!

    So, the moral of the story is, “don’t sit with your back fac­ing another Ang Moh”?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/621663 J Schnorng

    Never under­es­ti­mate the value of sphinc­ter control.

    regards,
    J

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/621663 J Schnorng

    Never under­es­ti­mate the value of sphinc­ter control.

    regards,
    J

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/5193820 Indi­ana

    When you gotta let one rip, you just have to let one rip…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/5193820 Indi­ana

    When you gotta let one rip, you just have to let one rip…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/3148605 Anthony

    Nice short flick. Where did you find it?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/3148605 Anthony

    Nice short flick. Where did you find it?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/7973253 PP

    Hahaha… I won­der what I’d do if I were in his shoes.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/7973253 PP

    Hahaha… I won­der what I’d do if I were in his shoes.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/1389786 Li An

    This post has been removed by the author.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/1389786 Li An

    This post has been removed by the author.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/1389786 Li An

    The poor ang moh… if I were him I will try to laugh at myself! But damn malu siah…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/1389786 Li An

    The poor ang moh… if I were him I will try to laugh at myself! But damn malu siah…

  • Sug­ar­rush

    Hahaha.. so funny.. I thought your post was going to be some­thing thought­ful.. haha..

    then what did the ang moh finally do? Just sat there frozen???

  • Sug­ar­rush

    Hahaha.. so funny.. I thought your post was going to be some­thing thought­ful.. haha..

    then what did the ang moh finally do? Just sat there frozen???

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/4214081 Ah 9

    Raw com­edy tick­les! haha

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/4214081 Ah 9

    Raw com­edy tick­les! haha

  • Anony­mous

    gosh. that was soo climaxy~

  • Anony­mous

    gosh. that was soo climaxy~

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/5661118 kachuaz

    suay siao sia…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/5661118 kachuaz

    suay siao sia…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/3583948 aGent X

    the malay word for this ‘act’ always make me laugh… “ken­tut” because it sounds so funny.…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/3583948 aGent X

    the malay word for this ‘act’ always make me laugh… “ken­tut” because it sounds so funny.…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/655913 alexis

    haha­haha. omg i would love to be there to wit­ness it. if i was the tooter i would have stood up and waved. heh.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/655913 alexis

    haha­haha. omg i would love to be there to wit­ness it. if i was the tooter i would have stood up and waved. heh.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/7713230 One Lit­tle Twit

    I’m always at Hol­land V 2 to 3 times a week depend­ing on the num­ber of days i work. Even when i dont work, i feel a desire to go there in the after­noon and live a life of the total idyl­lic, news­pa­per in hand, kopi on the table.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/7713230 One Lit­tle Twit

    I’m always at Hol­land V 2 to 3 times a week depend­ing on the num­ber of days i work. Even when i dont work, i feel a desire to go there in the after­noon and live a life of the total idyl­lic, news­pa­per in hand, kopi on the table.

  • http://www.wrenna.com Wrenna

    You didn’t join in the excite­ment and do a fol­low up?!! Power of farts!

  • http://www.wrenna.com Wrenna

    You didn’t join in the excite­ment and do a fol­low up?!! Power of farts!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/6119656 expat@large

    At the risk of get­ting a rep­u­ta­tion as Singapore’s answer to a wet blan­ket, would that story have been less funny if you had said “guys” all the way through instead of “Ang Mohs”?

    What if you had set the story in Green­wich Vil­lage, New York, and you said “negro” instead of ang moh?

    An answer is sug­gested over at my blog.

    E@L

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/6119656 expat@large

    At the risk of get­ting a rep­u­ta­tion as Singapore’s answer to a wet blan­ket, would that story have been less funny if you had said “guys” all the way through instead of “Ang Mohs”?

    What if you had set the story in Green­wich Vil­lage, New York, and you said “negro” instead of ang moh?

    An answer is sug­gested over at my blog.

    E@L

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/6119656 expat@large

    Still, at least no-one tried to shoot him for attack­ing them with toxic gas!

    E@L

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/6119656 expat@large

    Still, at least no-one tried to shoot him for attack­ing them with toxic gas!

    E@L

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/1700143 Mr Miyagi

    I’m sorry if I’ve offended you, E@L. In my book how­ever, the term ‘Ang Moh’ is not deroga­tory in the same sense as the term ‘Negro’. I look at it as on par with ‘Pom’. The fact that it is orig­i­nally from the phys­i­cal attrib­utes of an ‘Ang Moh’ could pos­si­bly say oth­er­wise, but nowsa­day hor, any for­eigner from any West­ern coun­try is an ‘Ang Moh’.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/1700143 Mr Miyagi

    I’m sorry if I’ve offended you, E@L. In my book how­ever, the term ‘Ang Moh’ is not deroga­tory in the same sense as the term ‘Negro’. I look at it as on par with ‘Pom’. The fact that it is orig­i­nally from the phys­i­cal attrib­utes of an ‘Ang Moh’ could pos­si­bly say oth­er­wise, but nowsa­day hor, any for­eigner from any West­ern coun­try is an ‘Ang Moh’.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/6119656 expat@large

    Offended! I’m dev­as­tated! Of course, I’m not that skin-skinned (or am I?) But some peo­ple might be, and that is why I raised the point.

    In my imper­fect exam­ple, a lot of peo­ple might say that “Negro” is not offen­sive. They would say just as you did, “in my book, Negro is not offen­sive.” But what does the African-American (per­son of color, black man, Negro — what IS the right term these days?) who hypo­thet­i­cally farted think of that?

    The point is not whether YOU think the term is offen­sive, it’s whether the per­son you’re talk­ing about con­sid­ers it offensive.

    If they do, then you shouldn’t use it, no mat­ter what your opin­ion is — it’s not your opin­ion that mat­ters in such a case. That is the cur­rent way of think­ing. The Polit­i­cally Cor­rect way, if you like.

    And if I called some­one a Pom, I would expect to get as good back, if not accom­pa­nied by a swing­ing fist if it was late in the night at a pub some­where… (And espe­cially so if it was in England!)

    Just doing some con­scious­ness rais­ing, a la 70’s.

    I have a dream:

    that the term ang moh will be a thing of his­tory in 10 — 20 years…

    call me crazy, call me obsessed, call me E@L (just call me, OK!)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/6119656 expat@large

    Offended! I’m dev­as­tated! Of course, I’m not that skin-skinned (or am I?) But some peo­ple might be, and that is why I raised the point.

    In my imper­fect exam­ple, a lot of peo­ple might say that “Negro” is not offen­sive. They would say just as you did, “in my book, Negro is not offen­sive.” But what does the African-American (per­son of color, black man, Negro — what IS the right term these days?) who hypo­thet­i­cally farted think of that?

    The point is not whether YOU think the term is offen­sive, it’s whether the per­son you’re talk­ing about con­sid­ers it offensive.

    If they do, then you shouldn’t use it, no mat­ter what your opin­ion is — it’s not your opin­ion that mat­ters in such a case. That is the cur­rent way of think­ing. The Polit­i­cally Cor­rect way, if you like.

    And if I called some­one a Pom, I would expect to get as good back, if not accom­pa­nied by a swing­ing fist if it was late in the night at a pub some­where… (And espe­cially so if it was in England!)

    Just doing some con­scious­ness rais­ing, a la 70’s.

    I have a dream:

    that the term ang moh will be a thing of his­tory in 10 — 20 years…

    call me crazy, call me obsessed, call me E@L (just call me, OK!)

  • Anony­mous

    dude, just won­der­ing how old are you this year, and was you in the pro­duc­tion of that video you posted, lol, kinda suit NTU lah, espe­cially with that idiot talk­ing about racial purity recently

  • Anony­mous

    dude, just won­der­ing how old are you this year, and was you in the pro­duc­tion of that video you posted, lol, kinda suit NTU lah, espe­cially with that idiot talk­ing about racial purity recently

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/8552684 Mer­cer­Ma­chine

    As Ben­jamin Franklin once said, “Fart proudly!” But then he also wanted the US national sym­bol th be the wild turkey.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/8552684 Mer­cer­Ma­chine

    As Ben­jamin Franklin once said, “Fart proudly!” But then he also wanted the US national sym­bol th be the wild turkey.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/6119656 expat@large

    Mer­cer — Wild Turkey! I’ll drink to that!

    If I call an Eng­lish per­son a Pommy bas­tard, I’d expect him to call me a JAFA or bloody Aussie bas­tard, or a colo­nial mis­cre­ant, or a wombat-f*cker, or just about any­thing, usu­ally with­out a fight ensu­ing! We’d buy each other a beer and bemoan the demise of Eng­lish cricket…

    If a Sin­ga­porean good-naturedly called called a white per­son an Ang Moh to their face, what “non offen­sive” but gen­tly rib­bing term would they expect to receive in return?

    E@L

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/6119656 expat@large

    Mer­cer — Wild Turkey! I’ll drink to that!

    If I call an Eng­lish per­son a Pommy bas­tard, I’d expect him to call me a JAFA or bloody Aussie bas­tard, or a colo­nial mis­cre­ant, or a wombat-f*cker, or just about any­thing, usu­ally with­out a fight ensu­ing! We’d buy each other a beer and bemoan the demise of Eng­lish cricket…

    If a Sin­ga­porean good-naturedly called called a white per­son an Ang Moh to their face, what “non offen­sive” but gen­tly rib­bing term would they expect to receive in return?

    E@L

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