A Holland Village epiphany

I’ve been spending more time than usual at Holland Village, and at one of my favourite coffee shops. The one that sells roast pork, chicken wings and pretty decent drinks.

A few afternoons ago, I sat there nursing my second Tiger mug of iced coffee because I had been thirsty enough to order but not drink two. At 2.30 in the afternoon, Holland Village, as you know, is still pretty busy with slow moving cars and slower moving people. And it was such a blazing afternoon, people were moving even slower than usual. Even the Jack Russell terriers being taken down the street to the vet/petshop weren’t as spritely as they ought to be.

And as you know, Holland Village is always chock full of Ang Mohs of all nationalities. So much that the anti-terrorist barriers are still in operation between 7pm and 7am on some of the more popular Ang Moh streets, where Coffee Leaf and Tea Bean and the likes are located: “There will be no terrorist activity between 7pm and 7am on these streets because the terrorists are not allowed to vault over this flimsy metal gate between these hours”, says a sign that doesn’t exist. But ought to be there. So terrorists would know. Bombing is not allowed. There is a gate. It is locked.

But anyway, that afternoon, at the coffeeshop with me were two Ang Moh men, sitting at separate tables, minding their own business, which wasn’t much. The first man was seated facing the back of the second, and was mulling over his Tiger mug of Tiger, and the other, seated one table away from the first was poring over some book.

Then it happened. The second man leaned to his left so that half his backside was off the plastic chair. And let out a god almighty audible fart. It was a toot long and loud enough above the traffic noise to startle himself and the people at the coffeeshop. There was a very pregnant pause as everyone, coffee stall owner, charsiew, roast pork stall owner and chicken wing man, all turned towards the direction of the sudden noise. The Ang Moh sitting behind the Tootler was already choking on his Tiger trying to stifle his giggles. Then everyone burst out laughing.

The poor bugger-who-thought-this-big-one-would-be-a-silent-stinker sat frozen, probably not able to decide whether to acknowledge his audience, or get up and flee.

Half the tiger in my tank
Iced Coffee also comes in Heineken mugs


Sorry. Reflex. Nothing to do with this post. Not bad though.

the mr brown show 26th April 2005. Or via subscription here.
Surf stop: je suis libre

iTunes’ party shuffle is playing a copy of: tmbs-050426 results may vary – mrbrown – the mrbrown show, of which I have the original CD and therefore didn’t steal music.
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57 responses to “A Holland Village epiphany”

  1. My RSSs Mr Brown Rockson Roy Ng Stylemywords Scott Adams RSSMiyagi

  2. a platoon mate of mine who got really really offended when the Chinese platoon mates called him รขโ‚ฌล“Bangkaleeรขโ‚ฌย and รขโ‚ฌล“Keling kiaรขโ‚ฌย in what we thought was Hokkien, both being terms the older generations of Chinese used to call Indians, and akin towhen every Singaporean calls any Caucasian รขโ‚ฌล“Ang Mohรขโ‚ฌย. รขโ‚ฌล“I am not from Kalinga, nor am I of Bengali originรขโ‚ฌย, said Corporal Selvam Sivaraman very eloquently, before he added just as eloquently, รขโ‚ฌล“you stupid Chinese communist bastard Ching Chong chow chee bye motherfuckers!

  3. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    I see you’re still up. I guess you’re pretty street smart in a sense.

  4. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    I see you’re still up. I guess you’re pretty street smart in a sense.

  5. Kevin Avatar

    I miss holland village… I miss roast pork too… argh, I miss Singapore! ๐Ÿ™

  6. Kevin Avatar

    I miss holland village… I miss roast pork too… argh, I miss Singapore! ๐Ÿ™

  7. willowink Avatar

    haha, this is funny!

    So, the moral of the story is, “don’t sit with your back facing another Ang Moh”?

  8. willowink Avatar

    haha, this is funny!

    So, the moral of the story is, “don’t sit with your back facing another Ang Moh”?

  9. J Schnorng Avatar

    Never underestimate the value of sphincter control.

    regards,
    J

  10. J Schnorng Avatar

    Never underestimate the value of sphincter control.

    regards,
    J

  11. Indiana Avatar

    When you gotta let one rip, you just have to let one rip…

  12. Indiana Avatar

    When you gotta let one rip, you just have to let one rip…

  13. Anthony Avatar

    Nice short flick. Where did you find it?

  14. Anthony Avatar

    Nice short flick. Where did you find it?

  15. PP Avatar

    Hahaha… I wonder what I’d do if I were in his shoes.

  16. PP Avatar

    Hahaha… I wonder what I’d do if I were in his shoes.

  17. Li An Avatar

    This post has been removed by the author.

  18. Li An Avatar

    This post has been removed by the author.

  19. Li An Avatar

    The poor ang moh… if I were him I will try to laugh at myself! But damn malu siah…

  20. Li An Avatar

    The poor ang moh… if I were him I will try to laugh at myself! But damn malu siah…

  21. Sugarrush Avatar
    Sugarrush

    Hahaha.. so funny.. I thought your post was going to be something thoughtful.. haha..

    then what did the ang moh finally do? Just sat there frozen???

  22. Sugarrush Avatar
    Sugarrush

    Hahaha.. so funny.. I thought your post was going to be something thoughtful.. haha..

    then what did the ang moh finally do? Just sat there frozen???

  23. Ah 9 Avatar

    Raw comedy tickles! haha

  24. Ah 9 Avatar

    Raw comedy tickles! haha

  25. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    gosh. that was soo climaxy~

  26. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    gosh. that was soo climaxy~

  27. kachuaz Avatar

    suay siao sia…

  28. kachuaz Avatar

    suay siao sia…

  29. aGent X Avatar

    the malay word for this ‘act’ always make me laugh… “kentut” because it sounds so funny….

  30. aGent X Avatar

    the malay word for this ‘act’ always make me laugh… “kentut” because it sounds so funny….

  31. alexis Avatar

    hahahaha. omg i would love to be there to witness it. if i was the tooter i would have stood up and waved. heh.

  32. alexis Avatar

    hahahaha. omg i would love to be there to witness it. if i was the tooter i would have stood up and waved. heh.

  33. One Little Twit Avatar

    I’m always at Holland V 2 to 3 times a week depending on the number of days i work. Even when i dont work, i feel a desire to go there in the afternoon and live a life of the total idyllic, newspaper in hand, kopi on the table.

  34. One Little Twit Avatar

    I’m always at Holland V 2 to 3 times a week depending on the number of days i work. Even when i dont work, i feel a desire to go there in the afternoon and live a life of the total idyllic, newspaper in hand, kopi on the table.

  35. Wrenna Avatar

    You didn’t join in the excitement and do a follow up?!! Power of farts!

  36. Wrenna Avatar

    You didn’t join in the excitement and do a follow up?!! Power of farts!

  37. expat@large Avatar

    At the risk of getting a reputation as Singapore’s answer to a wet blanket, would that story have been less funny if you had said “guys” all the way through instead of “Ang Mohs”?

    What if you had set the story in Greenwich Village, New York, and you said “negro” instead of ang moh?

    An answer is suggested over at my blog.

    E@L

  38. expat@large Avatar

    At the risk of getting a reputation as Singapore’s answer to a wet blanket, would that story have been less funny if you had said “guys” all the way through instead of “Ang Mohs”?

    What if you had set the story in Greenwich Village, New York, and you said “negro” instead of ang moh?

    An answer is suggested over at my blog.

    E@L

  39. expat@large Avatar

    Still, at least no-one tried to shoot him for attacking them with toxic gas!

    E@L

  40. expat@large Avatar

    Still, at least no-one tried to shoot him for attacking them with toxic gas!

    E@L

  41. Mr Miyagi Avatar

    I’m sorry if I’ve offended you, E@L. In my book however, the term ‘Ang Moh’ is not derogatory in the same sense as the term ‘Negro’. I look at it as on par with ‘Pom’. The fact that it is originally from the physical attributes of an ‘Ang Moh’ could possibly say otherwise, but nowsaday hor, any foreigner from any Western country is an ‘Ang Moh’.

  42. Mr Miyagi Avatar

    I’m sorry if I’ve offended you, E@L. In my book however, the term ‘Ang Moh’ is not derogatory in the same sense as the term ‘Negro’. I look at it as on par with ‘Pom’. The fact that it is originally from the physical attributes of an ‘Ang Moh’ could possibly say otherwise, but nowsaday hor, any foreigner from any Western country is an ‘Ang Moh’.

  43. expat@large Avatar

    Offended! I’m devastated! Of course, I’m not that skin-skinned (or am I?) But some people might be, and that is why I raised the point.

    In my imperfect example, a lot of people might say that “Negro” is not offensive. They would say just as you did, “in my book, Negro is not offensive.” But what does the African-American (person of color, black man, Negro – what IS the right term these days?) who hypothetically farted think of that?

    The point is not whether YOU think the term is offensive, it’s whether the person you’re talking about considers it offensive.

    If they do, then you shouldn’t use it, no matter what your opinion is – it’s not your opinion that matters in such a case. That is the current way of thinking. The Politically Correct way, if you like.

    And if I called someone a Pom, I would expect to get as good back, if not accompanied by a swinging fist if it was late in the night at a pub somewhere… (And especially so if it was in England!)

    Just doing some consciousness raising, a la 70’s.

    I have a dream:

    that the term ang moh will be a thing of history in 10 – 20 years…

    call me crazy, call me obsessed, call me E@L (just call me, OK!)

  44. expat@large Avatar

    Offended! I’m devastated! Of course, I’m not that skin-skinned (or am I?) But some people might be, and that is why I raised the point.

    In my imperfect example, a lot of people might say that “Negro” is not offensive. They would say just as you did, “in my book, Negro is not offensive.” But what does the African-American (person of color, black man, Negro – what IS the right term these days?) who hypothetically farted think of that?

    The point is not whether YOU think the term is offensive, it’s whether the person you’re talking about considers it offensive.

    If they do, then you shouldn’t use it, no matter what your opinion is – it’s not your opinion that matters in such a case. That is the current way of thinking. The Politically Correct way, if you like.

    And if I called someone a Pom, I would expect to get as good back, if not accompanied by a swinging fist if it was late in the night at a pub somewhere… (And especially so if it was in England!)

    Just doing some consciousness raising, a la 70’s.

    I have a dream:

    that the term ang moh will be a thing of history in 10 – 20 years…

    call me crazy, call me obsessed, call me E@L (just call me, OK!)

  45. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    dude, just wondering how old are you this year, and was you in the production of that video you posted, lol, kinda suit NTU lah, especially with that idiot talking about racial purity recently

  46. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    dude, just wondering how old are you this year, and was you in the production of that video you posted, lol, kinda suit NTU lah, especially with that idiot talking about racial purity recently

  47. MercerMachine Avatar

    As Benjamin Franklin once said, “Fart proudly!” But then he also wanted the US national symbol th be the wild turkey.

  48. MercerMachine Avatar

    As Benjamin Franklin once said, “Fart proudly!” But then he also wanted the US national symbol th be the wild turkey.

  49. expat@large Avatar

    Mercer – Wild Turkey! I’ll drink to that!

    If I call an English person a Pommy bastard, I’d expect him to call me a JAFA or bloody Aussie bastard, or a colonial miscreant, or a wombat-f*cker, or just about anything, usually without a fight ensuing! We’d buy each other a beer and bemoan the demise of English cricket…

    If a Singaporean good-naturedly called called a white person an Ang Moh to their face, what “non offensive” but gently ribbing term would they expect to receive in return?

    E@L

  50. expat@large Avatar

    Mercer – Wild Turkey! I’ll drink to that!

    If I call an English person a Pommy bastard, I’d expect him to call me a JAFA or bloody Aussie bastard, or a colonial miscreant, or a wombat-f*cker, or just about anything, usually without a fight ensuing! We’d buy each other a beer and bemoan the demise of English cricket…

    If a Singaporean good-naturedly called called a white person an Ang Moh to their face, what “non offensive” but gently ribbing term would they expect to receive in return?

    E@L

  51. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    Easy. Ah Beng.

  52. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    Easy. Ah Beng.

  53. superspygirl Avatar
    superspygirl

    or… miyagi-san.

  54. superspygirl Avatar
    superspygirl

    or… miyagi-san.

  55. […] No. It’s not because all the photos depict Ang Mohs happily using all manner of mobile devices! It’s because it says that street directory books are ‘doggy’ and outdated. […]

  56. […] Thank goodness for the ingterneck, else I’d never have googled the term “difference between Deepavali and Diwali“ and I’d never have landed on a blog post titled, “Difference between Diwali in North India and Deepavali in South India“. And while I was at it, I looked up some more stuff about India and her peoples, just to add to the anecdote I’m about to put here about a platoon mate of mine who got really really offended when the Chinese platoon mates called him “Bangkalee” and “Keling kia” in what we thought was Hokkien, both being terms the older generations of Chinese used to call Indians, and akin to when every Singaporean calls any Caucasian “Ang Moh”. […]

  57. […] & creative gift ideas. Sponsored by: http://www.Gifts.com [Found on Ads by Yahoo!] 8. A Holland Village epiphany | My Very Own Glob {Curiosa Felicitas} Completely useless Christmas gifts: Taser C2 ? Terror on war: worst disguise …. I miss holland […]

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