iTunes’ party shuf­fle is play­ing a copy of: Guilty — Jimmy Barnes — Flesh and Wood, of which I have the orig­i­nal CD and there­fore didn’t steal music.

My Army unit is on Mobil­i­sa­tion Man­ning this week, right after 17 days of in-camp train­ing! If they mobilise us this Sat­ur­day just to prac­tice, we will be very, very upset. Watch your tv screens for the flash­ing green man with our code­words: Fly­ing Oys­ter Omelette, Soiled San­i­tary Pad & Deep Fried Tofu. If they mobilise us because some Al-Qaeda affil­i­ate tries to bash through the impen­e­tra­ble bar­ri­ers at Hol­land Vil­lage, we will still be very, very upset. Woe betide the Al-Qaeda affil­i­ate. You joined the wrong club. Me and me mates wiw kew you dead, because we haven’t had the chance to watch a mid­night movie in a while.

Speak­ing of angry reservists, so, no one wet their beds last, last Sun­day night, and the IPPT was con­ducted on Mon­day morn­ing with­out inci­dent. Later on, we went for our the­ory lessons in Laws of Armed Con­flict and Rules of Engage­ment. At the lec­ture, they showed us slides with some basic point­ers on Inter­na­tional Human­i­tar­ian Law accom­pa­nied by some grue­some pic­tures. Then they showed us clips from Pla­toon (“My Lai” vil­lage scene), and Rules of Engage­ment.

Coin­ci­den­tally, my pla­toon mate Dil­bert Chua lent me a book called “Tell Me No Lies”, which has a chap­ter on My Lai. So, in between naps, I read the chap­ter and won­dered if Tuesday’s prac­ti­cal por­tion of the LOAC and ROE (the SAF, they lurve them acronyms) could be effec­tively taught at the FIBUA (Fight­ing In Built Up Area) “vil­lage” near the ATC (Armour Train­ing Centre).

The les­son mod­ule was such that we were not told what exactly to expect, and how exactly to react, and we were to see if our mil­i­tary objec­tives could be effec­tively met while observ­ing LOAC and ROE. So, we were shot at by ‘civil­ian sim­u­la­tors’ from the sec­ond floors (thank good­ness only sec­ond floor. No lift leh!) of the HDB blocks, shot at from an ambu­lance, shot at from out­side a check­point, grenaded by a ‘sim­u­lated preg­nant woman’, delayed by a ‘sim­u­lated hostage taker’ tak­ing ‘sim­u­lated hostages’, delayed by a ‘sim­u­lated civil­ian ask­ing for food and water and get­ting in the line of fire’ etc, etc.

It all went accord­ing to the train­ers’ expec­ta­tions. We didn’t know how to react. And because this was just a sim­u­la­tion, and not some­where in Fal­lu­jah, the fun­ni­est sce­nario was when one sec­tion from my tac­ti­cal team stormed a build­ing only to find that two civil­ians had been taken hostage, and so we couldn’t lob grenades into all three rooms of the three room flat from which we were fired upon.

Tired and frus­trated from climb­ing the stairs, and per­haps also from hav­ing prob­lems at home, the ‘hostage nego­ti­a­tions’ were opened by a mem­ber of the sec­tion and it went some­thing like this:

What the fuck you want, nin­abehchee­bye motherfucker?

I want an air­line ticket!

Air­line ticket?? Chee­bye! Simi airline?!

Emi­rates!

Chee­bye! Emi­rates?! Ki tolo?! (go where?)

Any­where!

Fuck you! Kan­inabu­chow­chee­bye­moth­er­fucker! Limpehshootjitliaphorliseeeee!

And then there was a burst of auto­matic gun­fire. After which, the slack-jawed trainer declared the sim­u­lated hostages and their sim­u­lated cap­tor dead.

Then we broke for lunch, the troop­ers and sim­u­lated civil­ians and ter­ror­ists, though we could’ve eaten ear­lier if we had just lobbed grenades into the flat and saved some time. Some of us spoke up and said they were glad we weren’t in a real war zone, because we might end up doing the same things the Amer­i­cans are doing in Iraq, or the Israelis in the occu­pied territories.

But would we, me and me mates, be as indis­crim­i­nately mur­der­ous if say, an Al-Qaeda affil­i­ate tried to bash through the bar­ri­ers at Hol­land Vil­lage? I’d say no. Because ear­lier, my sec­tion came under sim­u­lated sniper fire from a sim­u­lated two-room flat, and my sec­tion com­man­der led us upstairs to the door of the flat, knocked on the door and said, “Open up, I count to three, you bet­ter open up, or else… or else.… we come in! ONE, TWO, THREE! Open lah, cheebye!”

At our debrief, we were asked what else we could have done to meet our objec­tive (which was to secure the junc­tion down­stairs). We could have lobbed two sim­u­lated M203 grenades into the win­dows where the sniper fire was com­ing from, and we’d be happy as larry, junc­tion secured. But we didn’t.

So all youse civil­ians, ang mohs and chow-keng-never-do-reservist-because-downgradeds, if an Al-Qaeda affil­i­ate tries to bash through the bar­ri­ers at Hol­land Vil­lage, and me and me mates are mobilised, you can still sip your Cof­fee Bean & Tea Leaf lattes while we think twice before frag­ging the whole place. And you have our Army and their LOAC/ROE les­son pack­age to thank.

We also learned that Sin­ga­pore is not a sig­na­tory to the 1st (Pro­tec­tion of Vic­tims of Inter­na­tional Armed Con­flicts) and 2nd (Pro­tec­tion of Vic­tims of Non-International Armed Con­flicts) addi­tional pro­to­cols of the Geneva Con­ven­tions of 1949. Any­one know why?

Laws of Armed Conflict & Rules of Engagement practical training
Mr Tan’s neigh­bour­hood res­i­dents’ com­mit­tee tended to go over the top when deal­ing with com­plaints of noisy neighbours

Tagged with:
 
  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/1551787 Jel­ly­Girl

    Hee­hee nego­ti­at­ing in Hokkien very funny.

    As an aside, I heard a roo-mour that the bomb hoax in Hol­land V was not actu­ally a hoax. Appar­ently, they did find a bomb but it was PR-engineered to be a hoax so the pop­u­lace would not panic. I dunno…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/1551787 Jel­ly­Girl

    Hee­hee nego­ti­at­ing in Hokkien very funny.

    As an aside, I heard a roo-mour that the bomb hoax in Hol­land V was not actu­ally a hoax. Appar­ently, they did find a bomb but it was PR-engineered to be a hoax so the pop­u­lace would not panic. I dunno…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/1410811 chain­saw­ield­inun

    uh… because we weren’t around in 1949?

    yes fee­ble attempt i know. :P

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/1410811 chain­saw­ield­inun

    uh… because we weren’t around in 1949?

    yes fee­ble attempt i know. :P

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/1308664 Ger­maine

    oh my the hostage nego­ti­a­tions had me laugh­ing my ass off! :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/1308664 Ger­maine

    oh my the hostage nego­ti­a­tions had me laugh­ing my ass off! :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/603515 Man­drake

    I won­der if My Brown’s expe­ri­ence with Halo 2 can con­tribute to actual war­fare. Your descrip­tion of lob­ing two grenades into the sniper room sounds like what some­one described on his blog too! Hmm, maybe Halo 2 is good for the army too!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/603515 Man­drake

    I won­der if My Brown’s expe­ri­ence with Halo 2 can con­tribute to actual war­fare. Your descrip­tion of lob­ing two grenades into the sniper room sounds like what some­one described on his blog too! Hmm, maybe Halo 2 is good for the army too!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/3583948 aGent X

    Hehehe..I like the part about the Emi­rates ticket.
    Kena play ‘hostage’ before for an exhi­bi­tion to some VIPs for the Police Star Team dur­ing NS.
    They stormed using a heli­copter, some fire­works, some spray bul­lets and damn…it was deaf­en­ing although we had ear muf­flers on. Need­less to say, our scripts were as colour­ful as yours :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/3583948 aGent X

    Hehehe..I like the part about the Emi­rates ticket.
    Kena play ‘hostage’ before for an exhi­bi­tion to some VIPs for the Police Star Team dur­ing NS.
    They stormed using a heli­copter, some fire­works, some spray bul­lets and damn…it was deaf­en­ing although we had ear muf­flers on. Need­less to say, our scripts were as colour­ful as yours :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/1380756 rei::

    shit this is hilar­i­ous. you are turn­ing icp into a cartoon.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/1380756 rei::

    shit this is hilar­i­ous. you are turn­ing icp into a cartoon.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/2588087 Jayaxe

    Haha­ha­haha!

    Any­way, SAF sol­diers should learn to trans­late the fear­some Hokkien vocab into some­thing that ter­ror­ists under­stand. Then they will be scared to engage us.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/2588087 Jayaxe

    Haha­ha­haha!

    Any­way, SAF sol­diers should learn to trans­late the fear­some Hokkien vocab into some­thing that ter­ror­ists under­stand. Then they will be scared to engage us.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/1700143 Mr Miyagi

    I laughed till I cried as I was fol­low­ing that sec­tion with my cam­era. Didn’t take as many pho­tos as I would’ve liked, because it was a bit messy try­ing to get between the hostages/terrorists and the sec­tion.
    And yes, Halo 2 expe­ri­ence would help in com­bat. About half our train­ing this ICT was done in the ATGS (Armour Tac­ti­cal Gun­nery Sim­u­la­tor) which is this mar­velous sim­u­la­tor housed in its own building.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/1700143 Mr Miyagi

    I laughed till I cried as I was fol­low­ing that sec­tion with my cam­era. Didn’t take as many pho­tos as I would’ve liked, because it was a bit messy try­ing to get between the hostages/terrorists and the sec­tion.
    And yes, Halo 2 expe­ri­ence would help in com­bat. About half our train­ing this ICT was done in the ATGS (Armour Tac­ti­cal Gun­nery Sim­u­la­tor) which is this mar­velous sim­u­la­tor housed in its own building.

  • Anony­mous

    Ans: Any scout/rekke got caught by ‘enemy’ will be tor­tured like siao!
    Ooi Miyagi,
    u not scare ISA?
    Any­way i laugh so hard, i almost fell off me chair!
    ex-RSAF
    Mel,Ozzie Ozzie Ooi Ooi Ooi

  • Anony­mous

    Ans: Any scout/rekke got caught by ‘enemy’ will be tor­tured like siao!
    Ooi Miyagi,
    u not scare ISA?
    Any­way i laugh so hard, i almost fell off me chair!
    ex-RSAF
    Mel,Ozzie Ozzie Ooi Ooi Ooi

  • Anony­mous

    cam­era phone in army ah?

    wah so good…

    then u post it online… wait next time can­not bring in liao how? :P

  • Anony­mous

    cam­era phone in army ah?

    wah so good…

    then u post it online… wait next time can­not bring in liao how? :P

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/1700143 Mr Miyagi

    Not phone cam, but Canon Ixus 500! I had clear­ance from Bde S2 (I think lah), cos they want pho­tos for some com­mem­o­ra­tive thing.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/1700143 Mr Miyagi

    Not phone cam, but Canon Ixus 500! I had clear­ance from Bde S2 (I think lah), cos they want pho­tos for some com­mem­o­ra­tive thing.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/5111909 mb

    Eh, I see from the photo, your build­ing must climb stairs one ah? No lift upgrad­ing here? What, the whole FIBUA area voted Oppo­si­tion or some­thing, issit?

    I think Halo 2 is not good to train proper sol­diers lah. We see enemy snip­ing us from a room, we will shoot jitliap rocket launcher round give them die, even if our bud­dies are inside the same room. Then we will say to our team mates “sorry, sorry ah”.

    Real life like that do, sure kena at least 3 week­end guard duty.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/5111909 mb

    Eh, I see from the photo, your build­ing must climb stairs one ah? No lift upgrad­ing here? What, the whole FIBUA area voted Oppo­si­tion or some­thing, issit?

    I think Halo 2 is not good to train proper sol­diers lah. We see enemy snip­ing us from a room, we will shoot jitliap rocket launcher round give them die, even if our bud­dies are inside the same room. Then we will say to our team mates “sorry, sorry ah”.

    Real life like that do, sure kena at least 3 week­end guard duty.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/1700143 Mr Miyagi

    Yah lor! That day whole day kenah shoot then must run up stair­case! Not sur­prised that some of us got frustrated.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/1700143 Mr Miyagi

    Yah lor! That day whole day kenah shoot then must run up stair­case! Not sur­prised that some of us got frustrated.

  • jk

    sin­ga­pore hasnt signed the addi­tional pro­to­cols of the geneva con­ven­tions prob­a­bly because of sim­i­lar rea­sons why amnesty inter­na­tional is banned. human rights.

  • jk

    sin­ga­pore hasnt signed the addi­tional pro­to­cols of the geneva con­ven­tions prob­a­bly because of sim­i­lar rea­sons why amnesty inter­na­tional is banned. human rights.

Set your Twitter account name in your settings to use the TwitterBar Section.